Heart Lag

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” Marcel Proust

I am finally home in Bend, Oregon. Uganda is some 9000 miles away. The entire trip barely seems real. If not for the unpacked bag of dirty clothes sitting on my floor and my inability to sleep past 4 am, I might think I dreamed the whole thing. My re-entry was smooth. After traveling for 30 hours, I showered and went to my son's lacrosse game. The next day, I made breakfast, drove the kids to school, ran errands, and went to an art opening. On Day 3, I went to the farm with every intention of gardening and prepping the yurt for yoga camp. Instead, I crawled into a cozy hammock. Once I allowed my body to slow down, the exhaustion finally caught up with me and I fell asleep beneath snow-capped mountains and clear blue skies. I slept for an hour before going home, getting in bed, and sleeping for another 14 hours. The physical jetlag can be cured that easily. The emotional jetlag is another thing entirely. Sleep doesn't cure that. It is one thing to travel from time zone to time zone, from place to place. It is another thing to travel within one's own heart. In Uganda, I discovered new landscapes within myself. The BPU crew and Building Tomorrow led me further down the path of inspiration and joy; at Shanti and LiA, I explored strength and courage; and at New Hope, I allowed myself to go into the tangled underbrush of loss, pain, and helplessness. All of these people, places, and experiences expanded my personal landscape. What an amazing gift---personal expansion. How do I begin to repay that? What do I have to offer in return? How do I pay this forward? So many questions. I hope the answers will come soon. Maybe another nap will help...